When i met my ex, she often cried when we were alone. The reason? Well there were two, one was that she hated her mother, for stopping her seeing her dad, who then decided to move away (ironic, isn't it), and the second, was because she could not have children (now you are puzzled, aren't you?). I would find out years later, that my children were not some sort of miracle, but in fact it was a lie.

Being the type of person i was , i had stayed for the children. But she was very abusive to other people, and always getting in fights. Eventually, this temper would be turned, on both myself, and then my children.

I eventually managed to get away from her, but to see the children, i had to continue having days out, and a sexual relationship. After 6 months, i decided i might as well let her come back. It had not been the fresh start i wanted, and she was hunting down a women i had just started seeing, despite having a partner herself.

After a further year of non-stop screaming , shouting and abuse, l again decided enough was enough. She was soon living with another man, that she had been seeing. I promised that this time, we would not see each other, except to hand over the children. She said i would be sorry, and that they were a package. If i didn't see her, i did not see the children.

Attempts were made to see them, and exchange presents, all to no avail. Then, one day, she appeared at my door, wanting to come home. There stood two children, my ex, the cat, and a dog, the size of a small horse. She said her partner, was looking for her, with a gun. I put her up for the night, despite all she had done to me, but said she could not stay. She left the next day, dragging the children along with her. I wanted them to stay, until she sorted herself out, but she refused.

After a few days of phone calls, i again made it clear, i only wanted to see the children. I received a nasty message, and they disappeared again. A month later, she again tried to return. I said no. She then offered me the children for the weekend - no strings attached. I planned a trip to Scarborough, but when i arrived to pick them up, my ex was waiting also. I said "what are you doing". She explained that her partner was away, so she was coming with us. I said no at first, buy she started pulling the children back in. I did not want to let them down, so we all went. We ended up staying there, and we slept together.

The next day, i again said this was not what i wanted. She went berserk, and that was that for another 2 months. Then out of the blue, she said she wanted rid of the children for six months. every thing was agreed, and it was to be done legally. This later changed, and she said it would not be done legally. I was worried , in case they fell ill , or something. But in the end , i agreed , in writing. Her boyfriend then walked in, while she was talking to me on the phone, and said he did not want me to have them. She said she was going to leave them with someone else. I went straight to a solicitor, and was in court the same day. A court order was made, banning her from going. I was impressed by this, but i would later find out, that the family courts are useless!!